Lepidopterophobia
by SmurfLuvsCookies
Summary: Bixlow reveals his greatest fear.


**Author's Note:** _Something that just came to me and since I'm procrastinating on a multitude of things I decided, Hey, why not? As I was looking up what this phobia is called, I stumbled upon an article on called "6 Absurd Phobias (And The People Who Have Them)" which is freaking hilarious. Apparently Nicole Kidman and Bixlow both suffer from lepidopterophobia. In fact, there's a whole community of lepidopterophobes who have started a website, the link for which is available in the article if any of you are kindred spirits._

_I don't own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does. That genius bastard._

* * *

**Lepidopterophobia**  
**by: SmurfLuvsCookies**

"Hey, you! Barmaid's sister!"

Lisanna turned—because who else would 'barmaid's sister' refer to?—to discover the wildest of the Raijinshuu, Bixlow, stumbling down the street, running after her in a dead sprint. Alarmed, she didn't even have time to react before he misjudged his momentum and crashed into her, sending them both sprawling to the ground. Luckily they landed on the soft grass and not the concrete sidewalk. Lisanna had the breath knocked out of her, but she was otherwise unharmed.

"You might have learned my name first, at least," she gasped once she caught her breath.

"Sorry," Bixlow said, although he made no immediate move to get up. "Lisanna."

"Better," she said with a smirk, helpfully adjusting his crooked mask. "Now that we've got that settled, may I ask why you've barreled into me in the middle of the street?"

"I need your help with something."

"I don't think I'll be much help to you pinned to the ground like this."

Bixlow finally took the hint and leapt up, not even bothering to offer Lisanna a hand before he pulled her after him. Bewildered, she took a moment to adjust her balance and smooth down her disheveled hair. "What do you need my help with?" she inquired curiously as she ran her fingers through her short white locks. It wasn't like Bixlow to ask for help outside the Raijinshuu, if he even asked for their help. He seemed like the type who figured things out on his own or didn't figure them out at all.

"It's…hard to explain," Bixlow admitted, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. Again, Lisanna was surprised. She had never known the infamously reckless mage to be uncomfortable. "Look, you're good with animals, right? It's part of your power and whatnot."

"Yes, I'm good with animals."

"Well…I got an…infestation," Bixlow said slowly. His wooden tiki dolls whizzed around their heads, chorusing, "Infestation, infestation!" "Nasty vermin!" "Disgusting!"

"Of what?" Lisanna asked cautiously.

"Bugs. In my room. I need someone to take care of it for me." His babies chanted, "Bugs, bugs!" "Take care of it!"

"I'm sorry, Bixlow, I'm not an exterminator," Lisanna said. "I won't be much use to you if you're trying to get rid of a bunch of bugs. You need to call a professional."

"It ain't really a _bunch_ of bugs," Bixlow revised. "It's really just…one."

"One bug? That's an infestation?"

"It's a gross bug," he assured, waving his hands around for emphasis. "Big. Terrible. And it can fly!"

"Fly, fly, it can fly!" the dolls chirped.

"Well, kill it," Lisanna suggested.

"I…can't," Bixlow said.

"What do you mean?"

"I just can't kill it, okay?"

"Bixlow," Lisanna snickered, "are you scared of a bug?"

To her amazement, Bixlow actually flushed red. "Look, will you just come 'n kill the thing for me or what?" he mumbled crossly.

Lisanna did her best to hide her smile. How could she say no to that? "Yeah, okay. I'll kill your big, terrible, flying bug for you. Let's go."

They walked to the house Bixlow shared with Fried just on the outskirts of town. Lisanna looked around curiously as they entered. She couldn't recall ever having been inside. The living room was startlingly tidy, various paraphernalia organized on shelves and books stacked up nicely on assorted coffee tables. There wasn't any particular interior decoration, but the place had an undeniable charm.

Bixlow led her down the hallway to his room. He stopped her there, once again battling unease. "Uh, Lisanna, will you do me another favor and not mention this to anyone?"

"You don't want me to tell the story of how you had to coerce a girl into killing a bug for you?" Lisanna teased. "It's going to be tricky, but I suppose I can spare your dignity. I don't know why you're so embarrassed, though. Everyone is afraid of something, and it's perfectly logical to fear bugs. They're gross."

"It ain't all bugs, though," Bixlow explained. "It's just one type of bug. And this particular bug happens to be flying around my room. No one can know, okay? I'll never live it down. Usually I don't care but…this is different. Promise not to tell?"

"I promise," Lisanna said immediately, shocked at the seriousness in Bixlow's tone. Usually he was so carefree. She held up a pinkie, which he wrapped around his own with a customary tongue-wagging grin. Then they turned to the door, Lisanna intrigued, Bixlow anxious. Slowly, she reached for the doorknob and turned it, cracking open the door so she could peek inside.

The room was a bit messier than the living space down the hall. Lisanna imagined that Fried was in charge of the cleaning, but Bixlow's bedroom was too sparse to be truly dirty. There was an unmade bed in the corner, an open wardrobe with a few outfits, and several wood carving tools dumped on a workbench. Her eyes scanned the room for the bug that had Bixlow in such distress. She could feel him fidgeting behind her. Finally she noticed it fluttering around the glowing light on the ceiling, occasionally knocking into the glass with a dull _thunk_. Lisanna felt her mouth stretch into a grin, and before she could stop herself she had thrown open the door and was laughing.

"Oh…my…god…you…it's…"

Bixlow gave her a sour look. "Go ahead. Laugh."

"I...I'm sorry, it's just…" Lisanna collapsed into a new fit of giggles. "It's a butterfly!"

"Butterflies are terrifying," Bixlow declared. "Their pretty wings are only a distraction. They eat decaying flesh! They suck blood! They're carnal beasts, damn it!" The tiki dolls squealed, "Beasts, fiends, terrifying!"

"I'm sure you have every reason to…to tremble with fear!" Lisanna guffawed, grasping the side of the wall to keep herself upright. Her laughter was renewed when the butterfly veered off orbit and flitted nearer to them, causing Bixlow to retreat violently. He glared at her once the insect was safely drawn back to the light.

"I hope you choke," he cursed.

"I'm sorry, I'll stop," said Lisanna, wiping away a tear and swallowing any residual laughter. "I can't kill a butterfly, though. There's just something wrong about it."

"Another reason to hate their guts," Bixlow muttered.

Lisanna snorted, but otherwise contained herself. "I can try to get it out the window so it won't bother you anymore."

"Fine. Just get the freakin' thing outta here."

Lisanna nodded and walked across the room, opening the window. She stood under the light, watching the butterfly flicker around.

"Be careful," Bixlow said, finding shelter behind the door.

"I'm going to need your help," Lisanna confessed, tossing him a sympathetic look over her shoulder. "I can't reach it by myself. I need you to give me a lift."

"But—"

"Don't worry, I'll protect you. Come on."

Grumbling, Bixlow nervously inched into the room, eyes trained on the devious insect. Lisanna ordered him to get down on a knee when he reached her, which he did compliantly, although he only took his eyes off the butterfly when Lisanna climbed onto his shoulders. "Hey, what—?"

"Don't drop me," Lisanna warned, grabbing his helmet for balance. "Stand up so I can reach it."

Bixlow did as he was told, keeping his hands on Lisanna's legs to steady her. He couldn't keep the damn grin off his face, but she was too focused on the butterfly to notice.

Lisanna bit her lip as she contemplated how to catch it. Bixlow wasn't understating the size—it was a huge butterfly, too big to catch with her bare hands. Looking around, she didn't see anything of suitable size or shape until she looked down and realized her hands were already on it.

Bixlow stopped grinning when he felt her pull the mask off his face. "Uh, what're you doin'?"

"Just stay calm," Lisanna said. Suspicious, Bixlow dared to glance up and saw her swiftly press the hollow helmet against the ceiling, effectively enclosing the butterfly. "Got it!"

"What the hell? That's my favorite visor!" he cried, outraged. His sudden movement caused Lisanna to perilously lose her balance, and with a shriek she fell backward onto the bed. The butterfly escaped from the helmet and, as Bixlow turned around to make sure Lisanna was okay, landed squarely on the tip of his nose.

Bixlow let out a bloodcurdling scream the likes of which Lisanna had never heard and swatted frantically at the butterfly, occasionally striking his own face in the process. "Get it off! Get it off!"

Lisanna leapt up as the spooked butterfly took flight and was close to catching it again when she was struck by Bilxow's wildly thrashing hand. She fell to the floor with a heavy thud, dazed. "Shit!" Bixlow exclaimed, stunned by his own actions. As he moved to help Lisanna up, the butterfly landed on the nape of her neck, its delicate blue wings waving in recovery. Bixlow froze, recalling his very own words—_They eat decaying flesh! They suck blood!_ He knew he should help her, but he hesitated. Perhaps the butterfly would be satisfied with Lisanna's tender flesh long enough for him to escape.

Shaking his head, Bixlow hardened his resolve. He had to save Lisanna. He tried to send his babies after it, but they were all cowering in a corner. Evidently they were as frightened as he was. Gulping, Bixlow skirted around Lisanna's prone body, eyeing the savage beast as he neared it. "Alright, shoo. Y-you can't eat her."

The butterfly made no attempts to move. Honestly, Bixlow couldn't blame it. From experience, he knew that on top of Lisanna was a desirable place to be. He wouldn't have moved either.

"Go!" he roared, trying a different approach. "Get outta here, you freakin' monster! Get!"

The butterfly was unimpressed.

Bixlow heaved a sigh. There was only one more weapon left in his arsenal. He looked down at his hands, clenching them into fists. "You can do this," he told himself. Gradually he managed to get within arm's length of the insect. "Shoo," he squeaked, fluttering his fingers in front of it. He leapt out of the way as the butterfly went airborne again, this time doing a few loops and finally sailing harmlessly out the window.

He scrambled over and closed it, even going as far as to latch the locks. Exhausted, he collapsed on the bed while his babies cheered around him. Lisanna sat up with a groan, rubbing the back of her head. She looked around at the room until her gaze rested on the closed window. "Hey, you got it!"

"Yeah. It was getting ready to eat your brains out. Had to do somethin'."

"I commend you for your valiant effort," said Lisanna, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her tone. She stood up and walked over to the bed, sitting next to him. "Sorry I wasn't much help after all. But at least you faced your fear, right?"

"Yeah, you're right. I did," Bixlow said, raising his head and grinning his wolfish grin at her.

"Something did occur to me, though," Lisanna said thoughtfully. "Instead of going through all this trouble, why didn't you just use your Soul Eyes on it?"

Bixlow's smile froze. His head once more hit the mattress. "Damn it."

"You didn't even think of it?" Lisanna giggled.

"No. Damn it. Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Well, it only just occurred to me," Lisanna admitted. "But at least now maybe you won't be afraid of butterflies."

"Maybe. Y'know what? I bet that butterfly's gonna go to all its butterfly friends and tell them about me, and from now on they're gonna be scared of me."

"That's logical," Lisanna said. And then she placed the helmet back on Bixlow's head.

"Get it off! Get it off! What the hell? Why would you _do_ this?!"

"Sorry, couldn't resist!" Lisanna chuckled, dancing out of Bixlow's reach as he blindly struggled to remove the mask. He threw it to the ground with a metalic clang and glared at her.

"That was uncalled for."

"I know," she replied cheerfully, grabbing her bag.

Bixlow frowned. "Hey, Lisanna."

"Yes?"

"You turn into animals, right?"

"Yes."

"Are you able to turn into...?"

Lisanna smirked at him over her shoulder, a deliciously evil glint in her blue eyes. "I'll never tell," she said with a wink. She skipped out of the room, leaving Bixlow splayed, befuddled and enthralled, on his bed.


End file.
